Chemical Reaction

"This will just pinch a little."

Yeah, feels like when you zip your skin up in your jacket, and hurts even longer. But, I'm ok. I can do this. Really. I can really do this.

Then my heart starts to pound, like when the lights are all out when you walk in the front door and you hear somebody moving around upstairs in the dark, or when you realize you just missed getting sideswiped by some idiot driver.

The pain is not much better because she's moved on to another spot and although I can feel that dead warm feeling spreading, it isn't reaching the part where she is now "pinching".

My heart is really pounding now, my lips quivering from having been stretched open so long. I try to keep my tongue from moving around, but it's a curious little stinker and keeps moving over to the needle in my mouth.

Then, the pounding in my chest becomes overwhelming and just as I'm about to leap off the table, the dentist removes everything from my mouth and moves the light blinding my eyes. I sit bolt upright, and then it comes...

I cover my face with my hands and with a small squeaky voice (that doesn't sound like me) I ask for tissues. I feel the dentist and her assistant exchange a glance behind me. I warned them!

"I'm sorry honey, what do you need?" I hear the almost-grandmotherly assistant ask.

And then the tears roll. No, not the quiet gentle-like-summer-rain tears that slide down your cheek during a heart-tugging Hallmark commercial, but the shoulder-shaking, chest heaving, trembling shudders and sobs that come when you unexpectedly hear- after an exhausting and bad day of work, that your dog died. Yup, the uncontrollable kind that won't stop. I can feel the second exchange behind me.

"It's ok... there's no more needles. We're all done. It shouldn't hurt in just a minute."

I half-laugh (you know the kind, the one that sorta comes out strangled through the tears). Needles don't bother me at all. It's the drugs that affect me.

I have an overwhelming chemical reaction to the anesthesia used for numbing. I've told these most recent dentists that I have this reaction. I knew they wouldn't take me seriously.

The first time this happened I was 8 months pregnant with Megan and the doctor ordered a huge amount of Morphine to "calm" me down (I think it was more for me, although it was also for the contractions). A few seconds after the nurse injected the drug, I started sobbing. She didn't even finish giving me all the medicine because I was sobbing like my life was ending. This happened again when I was 6 months pregnant with Veronica and had a root canal done. I sat up so fast that I hit my head on the light, and the dentist pushed himself away from my chair and was really freaked out. He said he'd NEVER seen a reaction like that before.

Apparently, morphine derivatives (but not codeine) make me Sob with an overwhelming feeling of despair and terror (although the latter I think is a conditioned response from the epinephrine used in the injection). Almost as fast as the medicine clears my system (a matter of maybe five minutes), I'm fine again. After the sobbing stops, I'm not worried, sad, or scared. I'm just bone-weary exhausted.

Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely, with all my passion in body, mind, and soul H-A-T-E the dentist? I always come away scarred- emotionally, physically, mentally, and financially.